Ten Reasons Why the Portal Gun Should Be Invented

Actually, this one is only 5.

So, as you may or may not know, there is a game out there called Portal. I recommend you play it, it’s very good. And when you finally beat that after hours of problem solving and enduring the rambling-on of a condescending robot, you can play the sequel. I really enjoyed the game. Not because it teased my brain, not because it was a phenomenal game, but because of a device called a (You guessed it) portal gun. This thing is AMAZING. You can use it on any surface specially made for portals. Just point and shoot. It can go on the celings or walls or floors, it even comes in 2 colors! White and, well, white. But the portals are blue and orange! So, now that you know something about this magnificent and sadly theoretical device, let’s get to the reasons why it should be invented.

Numero Uno: With a portal gun (Brought to you by the creators of combustible lemons, aerial faithplates, turrets, etc., Aperture Science), you will never be late again! Shoot one portal, shoot another walk/fall through and you’re good!

Reason #2: If you ever feel like skydiving, just shoot a portal above you and another below you. It’s all the fun of falling without the altitude sickness! Just don’t hit your head on the ledge of the portal. That hurts.

Reason #3: The portal gun even picks things up for you! Anything from couches to machineguns to cubes with hearts on them.

Reason #4 (I’m already running low on reasons. I’m probably missing something.): Your portal gun never runs out of battery! Isn’t that cool? Imagine an iPad you never have to charge, or a machinegun you never have to reload. You can fire as much as you want!

Reason #5 (That’s all, folks!): The portal gun is like a badge of honor (-able geekiness.). So, being a nerd, I have to have it. The practical uses are great, but imagine telling your friends that you have a gun that creates portals.

So, this is why I think portal guns should be invented. The thing about this is that it will probably never happen, but hey, I can dream. So, until next time, au revior, and have fun with the condescending robot!