Why Video Games Are So Entertaining

So, as I’m sure you all know, I am an avid gamer. In fact, my personal motto is: Sleep is for those who have no internet connection. That was a joke. Ha ha. Anyway, people like me enjoy video games. We don’t care how bad our laundry smells, we don’t care how hungry we are, we are going to finish that level and there is nothing you can do to stop us. Nothing. Others of you may be calling us obsessed, but you obviously haven’t played the right game, or you’d be just like us. Sorry. Now, there are at least three reasons to be so monumentally addicted to these pixelated games. Let’s see ’em.

Reason Number One: Video games give you the ability to do things you just couldn’t do in real life. Like, you can’t go Grand Theft Auto for a day, you’d be arrested. You can’t build a castle single-handedly in real life, but you can in Minecraft. In fact, the reason video games are so addicting is because you can do literally anything you want.

Reason Number Two: Video games allow you to die without being killed in real life. Usually. Death in a video game is just a minor setback, as you can easily get back to where you were previously most of the time. Sometimes, along the way, you find something that you had missed before. Oh, yeah, and everyone knows you’ll just respawn.

Reason Number Three: Video games are fun. That’s why.

So, now you have two legitimate reasons to enjoy video games (and one nonsensical one) for your amusement. Now, when someone asks you why you like games so much, you can tell them. Or not, I don’t really care. But if you want to , you can refer to the first two reasons on this post, and maybe they’ll laugh long enough to let you finish your level.

Super Smash Bros. (The New One)

So, as we all may have heard, Masahiro Sakurai is rallying the Nintendo staff to create the newest installment of Super Smash Bros. The much-anticipated installment of everyone’s favorite beat-each-other-into-oblivion (I half stole that one from GameInformer. Sorry, guys.) fighting game is making its debut on two of Nintendo’s devices, the Wii U and the 3DS. Unfortunately, cross-platform multiplayer will not be possible (For non-nerds out there, this means that someone playing on the 3DS will not be able to play with someone using the Wii U), but thankfully, we have lots of new other features to make up for it.

Let’s start with the new characters. We can expect to see Mega Man, the Wii Fit trainer, the Villager from animal crossing, and perhaps even Rosalina from Super Mario Galaxy. I’m going to start it with Mega Man, seeing as he seems to be the most popular among the anticipated newcomers. Anyway, Mega Man is expected to be able to use his own Mega Buster moves, as well as some borrowed form Air Man, Wood Man, Crash Man, and Metal Man. In addition, when he dies, the blue bomber begins bursting in circles , just as it always has.

Now on to the Wii Fit trainer, who uses mainly fitness-based activities during battle, such as kicking soccer balls into people’s faces, summon hula hoops of death, and perform multiple yoga poses to evade attacks (or maybe counter them). Personally, I’m not too excited about it, so I won’t go into too much detail, but you could look it up if you wanted.

Onto Animal Crossing’s Villager, who seems to have many abilities that are suburb-related, like slinging stones from a (guess what) slingshot. Otherwise, not much is currently known about this particular newcomer.

And finally, Rosalina. Being a Super Mario Galaxy fan myself, I am excited to see what the character has to offer in terms of beating players off maps. We already know that she has a Luma sidekick. We know she can steal items from opponents. But, unfortunately, not much is known about anyone other than the Wii Fit trainer and Mega man.

There hasn’t been much discussed about the game mechanics yet, either. I would assume that the mechanics are similar to Brawl’s, with one minor difference: the widely despised tripping feature won’t be in effect in the upcoming game.

So, even though much of this game is shrouded in a thick veil of Mario-themed mystery, it is still very much anticipated among Smash Bros. veterans and new fans alike. The game looks to be great, mechanics and all, and I am definitely excited to begin the fourth Smash Bros. installment. Thank you, Nintendo, for creating such a beautiful-looking game.

Holiday Hi-Jinks: What to do When You’re Bored Out of Your Mind

So, most of you are looking at this post and going, “What’s the point of this?! How could anyone be bored during Winter break? Are you insane?” Those who frequent my blog are probably thinking, “Finally, a post that isn’t a list!” Well, whatever you’re thinking, there is always a way to be bored. This should help with that.

Now, with the hideously lengthy introduction over with, it’s time for me to tell you how to keep yourself from being bored in the Christmas season. Has it snowed recently in your area? No? Well, it’s time to pull out your socks, ball ’em up, and start your indoor snowball war. Recruit a sibling, your parents, or a teddy bear you adore, and fight the evil forces of household items.

Too cool for sock fights? How about baking soda rockets? Yeah, I bet you’re interested now. Oh wait, you don’t know how to build one yet! Here, let me explain the steps.
1.) Locate a film canister and make sure you have its lid, because you’re going to need it.
2.) Find a roll of wrapping paper and place the canister, jar, etc., and put it on the paper so that the mouth of whatever you selected is pointing towards the edge of the wrapping paper. Roll up your containment unit, and tape the resulting, significantly longer tube to keep it from unrolling.
3.) Cut out a paper circle and make a slit to the center. Fold it into a cone and tape it on top of your tube. (The side that does NOT have the film canister on it.)
4.) Here is when things get interesting. Pour baking soda onto a square sheet of (clean!!!) toilet paper. Then tape it into a packet and take everything outdoors. Secure it in the canister lid.
5.) Fill half the canister with vinegar, then put on the lid.
6.) Flip the rocket over, back away about a meter, and await blastoff.
Please tell me if it works, I’ve never tried this before.

Still not amused? There’s one last thing that I can tell you. Use the internet. It knows a lot more that I do. And that concludes this blog post. See you next time.

Ten Reasons Why the Portal Gun Should Be Invented

Actually, this one is only 5.

So, as you may or may not know, there is a game out there called Portal. I recommend you play it, it’s very good. And when you finally beat that after hours of problem solving and enduring the rambling-on of a condescending robot, you can play the sequel. I really enjoyed the game. Not because it teased my brain, not because it was a phenomenal game, but because of a device called a (You guessed it) portal gun. This thing is AMAZING. You can use it on any surface specially made for portals. Just point and shoot. It can go on the celings or walls or floors, it even comes in 2 colors! White and, well, white. But the portals are blue and orange! So, now that you know something about this magnificent and sadly theoretical device, let’s get to the reasons why it should be invented.

Numero Uno: With a portal gun (Brought to you by the creators of combustible lemons, aerial faithplates, turrets, etc., Aperture Science), you will never be late again! Shoot one portal, shoot another walk/fall through and you’re good!

Reason #2: If you ever feel like skydiving, just shoot a portal above you and another below you. It’s all the fun of falling without the altitude sickness! Just don’t hit your head on the ledge of the portal. That hurts.

Reason #3: The portal gun even picks things up for you! Anything from couches to machineguns to cubes with hearts on them.

Reason #4 (I’m already running low on reasons. I’m probably missing something.): Your portal gun never runs out of battery! Isn’t that cool? Imagine an iPad you never have to charge, or a machinegun you never have to reload. You can fire as much as you want!

Reason #5 (That’s all, folks!): The portal gun is like a badge of honor (-able geekiness.). So, being a nerd, I have to have it. The practical uses are great, but imagine telling your friends that you have a gun that creates portals.

So, this is why I think portal guns should be invented. The thing about this is that it will probably never happen, but hey, I can dream. So, until next time, au revior, and have fun with the condescending robot!

The Beaten Path: Part Deux

So, you remember I said that was a story for another post? Well, this is that post. Continuation of story in 3…2…1…

I ducked into the tiny mouse hole, barely fitting, to find more trail. “What a surprise,” I thought sarcastically as I strode through the maze of vegetation. I considered going back, but my curiosity pushed me onward. I didn’t like it, as I knew that curiosity was a killer (Did you hear what happened to that cat?), but I walked on. It was so…peaceful? No. Pleasant? No. Perfect? Not in the slightest. But it was nice and quiet. Almost eerily so, when the fog set in. It was the perfect zombie weather. The sheer lack of visibility made navigating quite the challenge. Kind of made you wish you had a weapon. But thankfully, no World War Z movie stuff happened. No infected jumping over buses, no helicopters, and no Brad Pitt shooting things.

Nothing interesting really happened until I got to the river. There, I found turtles galore, a few lost cyclists, and a cactus. I wouldn’t have mentioned the cactus, except that there was something interesting about it. It was on a tree, 15 feet up. I began t speculate about how it got there, when it shifted ever so slightly. I thought nothing of it, so I hiked on. But, when I was under the tree, the cactus suddenly fell. I darted out of the way and the cactus landed with a soft but still somehow audible thud. I decided then that I had done enough exploring for the day. I gingerly stepped over the falling cactus of doom, and made my way back home.

The Beaten Path

Recently, I have been snooping around the neighborhood, going in between property lines, when I found something. Something very interesting, and very old. I cautiously walked over to the path, tripped, and unceremoniously tumbled twenty-or-so feet into a creek. Soaked, I picked myself up, trudged a quarter way up the hill, and examined a hole in the foliage that resembled a gigantic mouse hole (If you’ve ever seen Tom and Jerry, you know what I’m talking about.).  I proceeded with slightly more caution than last time through the aforementioned mouse hole, and found…  …nothing. Nothing except another trail, that is. You may be wondering where this trail leads. Well, that is a story for another post.

To be continued…